Birthing Love

11 years ago today I was sitting in a bathtub in a birthing center in Gainesville, Florida laboring with my beautiful daughter, Raine. There were 14 others in attendance to include her dad, my mom, sister, the neighbors, friends, the newspaper reporter, and photographers. The contractions had actually began the day before but we didn't go to the center until the morning of the 10th.

About 32 hours into the labor I was still stuck in the third stage, even though I was trying different tricks like walking around and sitting on the birthing ball she still wouldn't move any further. That was when her dad, Tai, took me by the shoulders and firmly told me, "we are having this baby now!" I guess he was tired. I agreed and then realized that I had not contemplated or even visualized her being here after the birth. I was actually afraid of having her come out and that was what was keeping her in.

I loved being pregnant. I savoured every moment of it. I loved my big belly and feeling her move inside me. But for some strange reason I had never contemplated the actual baby in my life part of this process of having a baby and it quite frankly scared me.

After Tai's insistence something clicked and she was off and running - well I wish, it still took another four hours of pushing (they don't show you that in the movies). She came out in the water into her daddy's hands and he placed her on my chest. She didn't cry. She just looked up at me with these enormous, peaceful eyes and I cried.

I created this!!

Karen

Rigidity Causes Pain

I have a problem of getting attached to projects (and men, but that’s another post). When I realized my book, that was due to be published in October was going to be delayed because I need to spend more time in rewrites, I immediately resisted the suggestion, I was rigid in my “plan” of when this book was to be published.

The pain caused by my rigidity overwhelmed me as I held tightly to my “plan” while knowing deep down the suggestion was right. With more rewrites my message would be that much more impact-full and powerful.

My attachment to having my book published in October was more about fear of not having enough income. In other words, I was making my baby (my book) my moneymaker. I was planning on birthing her prematurely and then I was going to throw her out on the street to start making money for me.

How nurturing is that? And is that any way to treat something that special? Besides my book is not ever going to be my moneymaker. The Me of me is the moneymaker in my life. The consciousness of the Source as my only abundance is what turns on the flow of money in my life. When I make an object or a job my moneymaker I stop the flow. It’s all about focusing on and trusting in the Cause not the effect and staying supple so that the need for adjustments doesn’t cause so much pain.

Staying Flexible,
Karen

The Power of Intention Took Me to Italy

A few years ago I set an intention to travel to exotic places more often. Since that declaration, I went to Iraq for year, Hawaii twice for extended periods, Paris for a week and I spent ten days this spring in Amalfi, Italy photographing an enchanting wedding. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to travel to Amalfi, Italy and here I was being paid to travel there and create images of their wedding.

Laura and Brandon’s wedding was an intimate event filled with love, family and inclusiveness. It was such a privilege to see such a close family travel to the other side of the world to witness their marriage. The ceremony lasted all day as we travelled from the bed and breakfast to the Maioria City Hall, to the plaza for snacks and then onto the necessary mid day nap as the Italians do. All through the day the bride and groom were applauded and shouts of "auguri" (best wishes) were heard around every corner. After the nap we walked from Maiori to Amalfi (above photo taken on this walk) for the reception dinner in a tiny bistro.

I felt so honored to have been hired to capture this enchanting day on film. We all laughed, cried and ate just like the Italians.

Audaciously Existing in Abundance,

Karen

Trade, a Movie about Sex Slavery in the US

The practice of slavery in the US is something most people think ended with the 13th Amendment in 1865, but in recent years it has returned in an even more virulent form. Fueled by the collapse of the Soviet Union and other eastern European countries, new technologies like the internet, and sieve-like borders, the traffic in human beings has become an epidemic of colossal dimensions. The State Department estimates that as many as 800,000 people are trafficked over international frontiers each year, largely for sexual exploitation. Eighty percent are female and over fifty percent are minors. Many people in this country push this atrocity out of their minds, believing that it only occurs in faraway countries like Thailand, Cambodia, the Ukraine and Bosnia. The truth is that the United States has become a large-scale importer of sex slaves. Free the Slaves, America's largest anti-slavery organization estimates that at least 10,000 people a year are smuggled or duped into this country by sex traffickers.

As many of you know I am passionate about abolishing the human trafficking of girls around the world. This movie, Trade, is opening in selected theaters Friday September 28th. Please go see it and learn about this heinous crime that is almost too horrific to even acknowledge. Here is a link to the trailer: http://www.tradethemovie.com/index.html# . The movie stars Academy Award winner Kevin Kline.

For more information on human trafficking: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/FreeToCreate.aspx

I'm going to see the movie in Santa Fe next week. Please let me know what you thought of the movie.

"We are focusing on bringing the stories of these women to the world. These stories must be told if we are going to stop this from happening again." ~ Eve Ensler.

The Audacious Abolitionist,

Karen

The Current Took Me to Iraq

The current of my heart brought me to Iraq. I always swim with the current. The current finds me and away we go on a new adventure to expand my world and open my heart. This time it was to war.

On this adventure I realized that to go to war is to choose to live in two worlds simultaneously. In the first world I find myself looking for hope, constantly searching for meaning in all the death and destruction. In the second world I only see hopelessness and despair.

I naturally look for the beauty in every situation and this daily conflict between hope and hopeless-ness tore me up at times but nonetheless I stood as a witness to all of it while attempting to steer clear of judgments and failing daily.

I witnessed the unexplainable horrors of our Marines being killed and maimed by roadside bombs, mortar attacks and sniper fire. All of them seemed so impersonal and random. Why that particular vehicle and why did they wait to detonate the bomb at that particular point? Why did the sniper aim in on that particular Soldier rather than the one next to him? Why did shrapnel from that one mortar bounce up and impel him and not the civilian next to him?

On one day the reports of the slaughter of innocent Iraqis praying in mosques, playing soccer or just walking to school were overwhelming. None of it made sense.

On another day, I began to build a Cairn outside my barracks, adding a rock to honor each death, U.S. and Iraqi. Some officer kicked it over a few days later – scattering the sacred act into hopeless-ness. I built it again. He destroyed it again. Some days I spent hours looking into the eyes of each deceased Marine, Soldier and Sailor’s photo and silently and tearfully thanking them for their sacrifice.

I witnessed humanity at its highest where brotherly bonds were created between Marines that looked death in the face together. I also heard about Sunnis risking their lives to rescue a Shiite family from gunmen. In this world of hopefull-ness Sheiks rise above their fears and fight Al Qaida out of their neighborhoods and districts. An Iraqi woman puts a rug out on the wall to serve as a warning to oncoming convoys when a roadside bomb is present in front of her house. In this world of hope and meaning, Iraqi women show up to tell me their stories and their solutions while I listen with a hungry ear, tears in my eyes and an open heart. They leave me with hugs, multiple cheek kisses and hope in their hearts.

One day a Marine’s life is saved when a sniper bullet makes only an indent in his chest due to the illegal Playboy magazine tucked under his vest. But then that evening a pregnant Iraqi woman ready to deliver her baby is rushed to the hospital by her husband and relatives when all the passengers are killed by a Lance Corporal manning his checkpoint who is ordered to stop the speeding vehicle erratically approaching and ignoring all the warning signals. The Marine is required to treat the vehicle as suicide bomber and now he will live with that for the rest of his life . . . and so will they.

The constant mixture of horror and honor swirls around in the century old human game of war.

I lived in both of these worlds daily for an entire year – we all did. Each event cracked open my heart a little more with the intent to grow wider and more expansive. I was a witness to the sacrifice, the honor, the horror and the expansive human spirit. This is why I believe the current took me to war – to be a witness and to come back and tell about it.

Courageously Sharing,

Karen

Mermaids Swim

Sometimes a mermaid can’t take another moment without being submerged in an icy cold body of water. That is what happened yesterday when Raine and I decided to drive an hour from Santa Fe to swim in Abiquiu Lake and allow our fins to soak and my heart to cleanse.

The lake was magnificent with red rocks rimming the edge and a flat rock ledge a few feet under the surface for us to stand on before swimming out into the expansive blue and resting in the support of the water’s icy embrace. She was just what I needed and she welcomed us so openly, even though we couldn’t stay long and had never visited before.

A storm rumbled in crackling with lightening against a dark cloud background. Every cell in my body danced with delight and exhilaration as we drove back to Santa Fe. What a gift to be able to dip into the watery womb of Creation herself. We are so privileged to be having such an amazing human experience.

Swimming with the Current,

Karen

Relationships: Security vs. Transformation

I throw myself into relationships to be transformed. To come together with another to create something beyond ego - an enlightened state. Only in that kind of intimacy can I experience the fire that demands integrity. There is no hiding in true intimacy.

Of course, my MEMEs or cultural paradigms scream from the depths of my mortal heart to seek security and to be attached and absorbed into another being. Thoughts such as, "Perhaps he is the one" or "Now I'll be taken care of" seep into my head and tangle my intention. These are so ingrained in me from all directions - songs, movies, stories, examples of my friends' lives - that they are difficult to maneuver around. But the pursuit of security in a relationship is death to the creative impulse that would have me realize an enlightened state and be transformed.

"The highest purpose of intimacy is to call forth the beloveds' soul." Marianne Williamson wrote this in Enchanted Love. In this state we can find healing and I'm not only talking about the calming, soothing type of healing but also the gut-wrenching, "I think I'm going to vomit" healing as well.

Being in a relationship is an audacious ride to the center of what is at the heart of every person. It takes courage to take that ride to the wounded-ness of your beloved and not everyone is up for the journey. It is a true Hero's Journey to be present and hold a sacred space and compassion for someone's wounds and it is not for the faint of heart to expose your wounds to another. Fears of judgement, betrayal and abandonment arise. But despite these obstacles, my true test of courage is to go with my heart wide open and scoff in the face of my fears, wounds and old patterns of thinking. It is not the beloveds' responsibility to heal us, but to hold a space for us to the do our work.

I have always felt that if I don't go - I won't see. In other words, if I don't walk through the fire and risk being slaughtered, I won't be transformed into my enlightened self.

Walking through the fire,

Karen