Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Birthing Love

11 years ago today I was sitting in a bathtub in a birthing center in Gainesville, Florida laboring with my beautiful daughter, Raine. There were 14 others in attendance to include her dad, my mom, sister, the neighbors, friends, the newspaper reporter, and photographers. The contractions had actually began the day before but we didn't go to the center until the morning of the 10th.

About 32 hours into the labor I was still stuck in the third stage, even though I was trying different tricks like walking around and sitting on the birthing ball she still wouldn't move any further. That was when her dad, Tai, took me by the shoulders and firmly told me, "we are having this baby now!" I guess he was tired. I agreed and then realized that I had not contemplated or even visualized her being here after the birth. I was actually afraid of having her come out and that was what was keeping her in.

I loved being pregnant. I savoured every moment of it. I loved my big belly and feeling her move inside me. But for some strange reason I had never contemplated the actual baby in my life part of this process of having a baby and it quite frankly scared me.

After Tai's insistence something clicked and she was off and running - well I wish, it still took another four hours of pushing (they don't show you that in the movies). She came out in the water into her daddy's hands and he placed her on my chest. She didn't cry. She just looked up at me with these enormous, peaceful eyes and I cried.
I created this!!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Rigidity Causes Pain

I have a problem of getting attached to projects (and men, but that’s another post). When I realized my book, that was due to be published in October was going to be delayed because I need to spend more time in rewrites, I immediately resisted the suggestion, I was rigid in my “plan” of when this book was to be published.

The pain caused by my rigidity overwhelmed me as I held tightly to my “plan” while knowing deep down the suggestion was right. With more rewrites my message would be that much more impact-full and powerful.

My attachment to having my book published in October was more about fear of not having enough income. In other words, I was making my baby (my book) my moneymaker. I was planning on birthing her prematurely and then I was going to throw her out on the street to start making money for me.

How nurturing is that? And is that any way to treat something that special? Besides my book is not ever going to be my moneymaker. The Me of me is the moneymaker in my life. The consciousness of the Source as my only abundance is what turns on the flow of money in my life. When I make an object or a job my moneymaker I stop the flow. It’s all about focusing on and trusting in the Cause not the effect and staying supple so that the need for adjustments doesn’t cause so much pain.

Staying Flexible,

The Power of Intention Took Me to Italy

A few years ago I set an intention to travel to exotic places more often. Since that declaration, I went to Iraq for year, Hawaii twice for extended periods, Paris for a week and I spent ten days this spring in Amalfi, Italy photographing an enchanting wedding. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to travel to Amalfi, Italy and here I was being paid to travel there and create images of their wedding.

Laura and Brandon’s wedding was an intimate event filled with love, family and inclusiveness. It was such a privilege to see such a close family travel to the other side of the world to witness their marriage. The ceremony lasted all day as we travelled from the bed and breakfast to the Maioria City Hall, to the plaza for snacks and then onto the necessary mid day nap as the Italians do. All through the day the bride and groom were applauded and shouts of "auguri" (best wishes) were heard around every corner. After the nap we walked from Maiori to Amalfi (above photo taken on this walk) for the reception dinner in a tiny bistro.

I felt so honored to have been hired to capture this enchanting day on film. We all laughed, cried and ate just like the Italians.
Audaciously Existing in Abundance,