Relationships: Security vs. Transformation

I throw myself into relationships to be transformed. To come together with another to create something beyond ego - an enlightened state. Only in that kind of intimacy can I experience the fire that demands integrity. There is no hiding in true intimacy.

Of course, my MEMEs or cultural paradigms scream from the depths of my mortal heart to seek security and to be attached and absorbed into another being. Thoughts such as, "Perhaps he is the one" or "Now I'll be taken care of" seep into my head and tangle my intention. These are so ingrained in me from all directions - songs, movies, stories, examples of my friends' lives - that they are difficult to maneuver around. But the pursuit of security in a relationship is death to the creative impulse that would have me realize an enlightened state and be transformed.

"The highest purpose of intimacy is to call forth the beloveds' soul." Marianne Williamson wrote this in Enchanted Love. In this state we can find healing and I'm not only talking about the calming, soothing type of healing but also the gut-wrenching, "I think I'm going to vomit" healing as well.

Being in a relationship is an audacious ride to the center of what is at the heart of every person. It takes courage to take that ride to the wounded-ness of your beloved and not everyone is up for the journey. It is a true Hero's Journey to be present and hold a sacred space and compassion for someone's wounds and it is not for the faint of heart to expose your wounds to another. Fears of judgement, betrayal and abandonment arise. But despite these obstacles, my true test of courage is to go with my heart wide open and scoff in the face of my fears, wounds and old patterns of thinking. It is not the beloveds' responsibility to heal us, but to hold a space for us to the do our work.

I have always felt that if I don't go - I won't see. In other words, if I don't walk through the fire and risk being slaughtered, I won't be transformed into my enlightened self.

Walking through the fire,

Karen